Beware of Valentine's Day romance scams. Here's how to protect your heart and wallet.

In 2019, Brandon Dae Up Kiehm, 45, struck up a romance with a 44-year-old woman he met on the online dating app Bumble. About a year later, the couple set out to buy a house together in Brooklyn.

But, Manhattan prosecutors allege the woman was a victim of a romance scam, charging Kiehm with grand larceny in December after he allegedly stole nearly $300,000 from her.

"Kiehm crafted a relationship on a web of lies, preying on his girlfriend’s trust again and again," said Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg in the December announcement of Kiehm’s indictment. “Romance scams are all too common, and our office is here to prosecute egregious conduct like this."

Local experts say they have seen more romance scams since the outbreak of the pandemic, fueled in part by COVID-era isolation and the rise of artificial intelligence. At the national level, though there has been a drop in recent years, the fraud type remains one of the most expensive scams, with data from the Federal Trade Commission indicating Americans lost nearly $1.2 billion to amorous schemes in 2025. 

Among Americans aged 50 and older, around 1 in 6 said they or someone they know lost money to a romance scam, according to recent research from AARP. More than half who lost money said they did not report the loss anywhere. 

“There was a big influx of romance scam cases after COVID-19, and continuing to this day,” said Manda Kristal, financial exploitation and abuse program coordinator at the nonprofit Family & Children’s Association headquartered in Garden City.

Rep. Tom Suozzi (D-Glen Cove) was among a bipartisan group that cosponsored the Romance Scam Prevention Act in the House of Representatives last spring. If passed, the bill would require online dating sites to notify users who have interacted with someone who is later banned for fraud. 

"This is really the dark side of the digital age. People are getting abused and used and we have to start putting rules in place to protect people," Suozzi said. 

Anyone can fall victim to a romance scam, experts warned, with state and local officials alerting online denizens to be extra wary ahead of Valentine’s Day on Saturday.

Here are some tips from experts on how to protect your hearts and wallets.

How do romance scams work?

Romance scams have been around “since forever,” said Jeanine Launay, chief of the elder abuse special victims unit at the Manhattan District Attorney’s Office.

“We like to joke that as long as someone can walk up and see that someone had something that they wanted, they would try the romance scam because it works,” she said.

The fraudsters commonly initiate contact with their intended victims using fictitious identities — like Kiehm, who introduced himself as Dae Up Lee Kim to his girlfriend — on social media or dating platforms, armed with research on their target and a love bombing strategy, experts said.

Scammers might also reach out through random text messages saying hi, or asking to grab a cup of coffee, Launay said, or even bump into you at a coffee shop or supermarket.

But usually, online swindlers have no intention to meet their victims face-to-face. There will always be an excuse, experts said. Maybe they don’t live nearby, or perhaps they work on an oil rig. 

After striking up a conversation on a dating app or through social media, the scammer will then try to move their target to a platform with less monitoring, like WhatsApp, Kristal said. 

They won’t ask for money right away, but a sudden crisis will come up and you’re the only person who can help them, she said. “That’s how it starts. And then it spirals.”

Who is at risk?

Anyone can fall victim to a romance scam, experts said. But older adults are often targeted because they have more capital at hand.

Younger people don’t have the coffers that older adults do, and they’re not yet collecting a steady income from social security, said Dan Lyon, fraud and scams manager at Lifespan, a Rochester-based nonprofit that provides resources for adults aged 60 and older.

Older adults also have access to pensions, 401(k) accounts and often have equity built into their homes, he said.

Isolation and loneliness increases a person’s vulnerability to scams, too, said Arlene Markarian, coordinator for Nassau County’s elder abuse enhanced multidisciplinary team at FCA.

During the pandemic, the number of young people falling victim to romance scams spiked as more people turned to online connections in isolation, she said.

While romance scams increased for every age group in 2020, the number of reports from people aged 20 to 29 more than doubled from 2019, according to federal data.

How are victims impacted?

Many scam victims lose their life savings and even their homes, experts said. Some have been pushed into taking out loans, and those who made withdrawals from retirement accounts might face a tax penalty in addition to losing their money.

Victims also struggle with embarrassment and shame, and some may become suicidal, experts said.

“All the positive reinforcement you’re getting from the scammer, all this attention, all this interest, all these conversations that you’re having. They’re long and they’re lengthy and sometimes they’re intimate,” Launay said. “You’re telling them things that you wouldn’t tell anybody else. To realize then that this person has been lying to you all this time is devastating.”

Seniors might fear that their children will put them in a nursing home if they find out, or that they’ll otherwise lose their independence, she added.

How do I approach a loved one who has fallen victim to a scam?

If you’re approaching someone who’s fallen victim to a scam, do not shame them, experts said.

Remember that your friend has fallen victim to a crime, Launay said. 

Be patient. Expect resistance from both the fraudster and your friend, Launay said. Logically demonstrate how they’ve been scammed, using public service announcements and articles describing the scam as aids.

“It’s really hard because they're not ready to admit it,” Kristal said. “It’s very embarrassing and humiliating to think that emotionally, you made yourself vulnerable to a person who really was taking advantage of you.”

There are nonprofits and government agencies that can offer guidance, like the FCA or the state Office for the Aging, Markarian said.

What should you do after you’ve been scammed?

If you’ve fallen victim to a scam, immediately cut off all communication with the scammer. Block all forms of contact, experts said.

Sometimes, if notified quickly enough, the Postal Service might be able to intercept mail, said Daniela Lella, a U.S. postal inspector in the New York Division. The Postal Service also investigates fraud complaints.

“Go to local law enforcement and report,” she said. Provide as many details as possible, including screenshots.

Lyon said to make sure that the incident is specifically filed as a crime report.

New York financial scam victims who are under 18, 60 or older, or disabled may qualify for up to $2,500 in compensation from the state.

Experts also advise reporting the crime to the Federal Bureau of Investigation and the Federal Trade Commission. Flag their account on the online platform you met them on.

Law enforcement is often limited in what they can do and it’s very difficult to get the money back. But reporting the crime helps officials identify patterns, experts said.

Kathleen Benedetti-Fisher of AARP NY said victims should also call their banks, implement a credit freeze, and change passwords to their financial accounts.