Aging alone: What Long Island's solo agers should know

Timothy Rogers, 73, has lived alone for 51 years. The lifelong Merrick resident and business owner, who is not married and has no children, has planned for a future when he may not be as independent and mobile as he is now.

“I have a trustworthy friend who is my health care proxy to handle my health care wishes if I’m not able to,” said Rogers, an only child whose parents have died. “I have another good friend who has a power of attorney to act on my behalf for financial decisions. I also have a will.”

Rogers is part of a growing demographic of solo agers defined by AARP as people 50 and older who grow old alone, aren’t married and have no living children. According to a 2021 report by the U.S. Census Bureau, nearly 28% of adults 55-plus who lived alone were childless.

Experts say that planning for later stages of life, when health typically declines, means addressing key issues like finances, estate planning, health care and housing needs. While spouses and children are the primary sources of informal caregiving in the United States, solo agers, who may be widowed, divorced or simply aging independently, must instead look to community resources for caregiving and social support.

“There are lots of reasons that people are aging alone,” said Corinne Kyriacou, vice dean of the School of Health Sciences and associate professor of population health at Hofstra University in Hempstead. “There are smaller families, people are having fewer children or are choosing not to have children or staying single . . . on a macro level, people are living longer, social networks are changing and you may have fewer people around you.”

Rogers, who said he has no plans to retire from his vacuum repair business and leads an active and engaged life, said he has about a dozen “tight-knit” friends who live nearby. “If I needed help, they would be here right away,” he said, adding that he would hire an aide before burdening any of them.

Rogers embraces life as a solo ager and said he is happy to be free of the responsibility of caregiving for a spouse.

Living alone, he said, affords him freedom of choice and autonomy over his daily life and living space. “I like not having to compromise about my preferences,” he said. “Plus, I can have peace and quiet in the house after coming home from a busy day at work.”  

Too much alone time?

But not all older adults enjoy solo living arrangements and have supportive social networks like Rogers.

“Challenges people face when aging alone that can impact emotional and psychological health include loneliness, loss of abilities, financial concerns, difficulty with self-care and challenges engaging in social activities,” Emily Nabors, a gerontologist and associate director of innovation at the Arlington, Virginia-based National Council on Aging’s Center for Healthy Aging, wrote in an email.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta, 1 in 3 U.S. adults reports feeling lonely. Social disconnection can cause depression and anxiety and can affect physical health, raising the risk of serious and chronic illness, said Edward Brogan, clinical social worker at the Stony Brook Center of Excellence for Alzheimer’s disease.

A 2019 Pew Research study found that Americans aged 60 and older who live on their own spend more than 10 hours a day alone. While spending time alone isn’t always negative, it can increase risk of social isolation, said Sarah McMillan, a marriage and family therapist in Massapequa.

McMillan and other experts agree that solo agers should prioritize combating social isolation and strengthening their connections to others for companionship and assistance.

Michele Allan, 68, of Baldwin, is the divorced mother of three sons who live in Canada. Ever since her children left home to pursue job opportunities, the nurse practitioner said she has struggled to adjust to a “living situation that is light years away” from what she envisioned for her later years.

“I grew up in a traditional Italian family, and you got together with your grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins every week for Sunday dinner,” she said. “But people moved away and others passed. . . . I wish I could be like my friends who have their kids living nearby.”

Although she is healthy and active, she worries about eventually needing help with chores or transportation. “I know I have to figure it out sooner rather than later, since anything can change your health in a minute,” she said.  

Aging in place

According to research by the nonprofit National Council on Aging and the University of Massachusetts in Boston, 95% of older adults develop at least one chronic condition by age 60. Nearly 80% of older adults have two or more chronic conditions.

Patricia Pope, 77, is a widow and mother of two who lives in Inwood. While her daughter resides in New Jersey and her son in Texas, the adjunct college professor said she has a “wonderful support system,” which consists of several friends who live a quick car ride away, adding, “If I had an emergency in the middle of the night, my next-door neighbor, who has been living here for 42 years, would be my first call,” she said.

The grandmother of four, who takes medication for thyroid disease and high cholesterol, said she works out nearly every day and is a fan of chair yoga, weightlifting and power walking. She said she plans to stay put in her ranch-style house, since she not only enjoys its comfort and familiarity, but also finds it easy to navigate.

Pope is not alone in her desire to age in place or stay in her home as she grows older. According to a March 2025 AARP survey, nearly 85% of seniors want to remain in their homes as they age.

But aging in place may not be the right option for everyone. “Homes weren’t built to support aging and often require modifications to support our changing needs,” Nabors, of the National Council on Aging, wrote in an email. “You have to ask yourself if you have the financial resources and time to make the necessary modifications to ensure your home environment is accessible and safe.”

To prepare for a time when it might be difficult to manage alone, Pope said she is in the process of installing grab bars in her shower and has removed hazards like scatter rugs from her home. She said she already has hired help with house cleaning and would consider a grocery delivery service if she were unable to shop.

There are organizations like Rebuild Long Island that offer free home repairs to income eligible seniors (631-777-7894, rebuildingtogetherli.org).

Financial and legal affairs

While solo agers need to secure the safety of their home, Melissa Negrin-Wiener, senior partner at Cona Elder Law in Melville, recommends also making sure their financial and legal affairs are in order.

“Everyone, not just people aging alone, needs to appoint a trusted individual to be their power of attorney who can handle their financial affairs [if you are unable], and a health care proxy — a health care agent you appoint to act on your behalf when needed — is especially important if you are aging alone,” Negrin-Wiener said.

“Also important is a living will, a legal document that states your wishes concerning end-of-life health care decisions,” she added, “regarding whether or not you should receive artificial nutrition and hydration, for example.”

Negrin-Wiener cautioned that if a person is not selected to fill these roles, “the court would appoint a guardian to step in,” she said. “It is so much better to be in control by making the decision yourself. If you have not appointed a POA [power of attorney] and you become incapacitated, your financial well-being will be at risk until the court appoints a guardian. Without a health care proxy, a guardian can make medical decisions for you, which may not be your wishes.”

Navigating the complexities of solo aging takes planning to prepare for a fulfilling and secure future, said Hofstra’s Kyriacou: “Not planning ahead is a form of denial. It’s like sticking your head in the sand. It shouldn’t be scary to think about that. It’s less scary if we plan ahead.”